Well, it's been a week. I should have known that engaging in this helpmeet "challenge" that I issued to myself would have brought opportunities for me to grow in my weaknesses, but I did not expect it to start so quickly.
The number one thing I learned as a girl reading Proverbs was that a nagging wife was not desirable, nor was a domineering one. Scripture is pretty clear about the value of a gentle and quiet spirit. The former is much more natural to me than the latter, but through prayer and practice I am hoping to become more godly each day.
Today I got a chance to exercise my quiet spirit and my trust in God. A situation arose that was personally challenging and affected our family in a drastic way. I wanted to jump in, take control, and handle it. I could have, competently. But I asked my husband what he thought and he responded that he would handle it. I needed him to because I was too emotional, but I could have done what I needed to. However, once he said he was going to take care of it, I had to trust him (and our God who gave him the authority he has as the head of our home) to handle it effectively.
And he did. It was so rewarding to be able to take a back seat, trust, and be blessed by not having to worry about what was going to happen. And I was very blessed to have God affirm in my heart that in a small way I was able to affirm my awesome hubby. This helpmeeting thing is pretty awesome...
The musings of a mom who strives to live a life yielded to God through His grace alone & who has been liberated from the restraints of her past.
Defining a Homemaker
What does it take to be a homemaker? Must we wear an apron, heels, and pearls all day while we clean and cook? Must our home be a spotless wonder, ready for company to drop by at a moment's notice? Is it necessary for us to never lose our cool, always appear poised, and flawlessly manage every aspect of our home?
It's starting to seem that way, isn't it? And a homemaker must also knit, crochet, make clothing, bake divinely, wear smoothly natural makeup, have hair that is perfectly coiffed, and train her children up to be perfectly behaved in all situations.
Okay, reality check here! If that is what it takes, then I am submitting my resignation papers right now. Being a homemaker means making a home! Pretty simple, if you ask me. Love the kids, love your hubby, love yourself ... love God. A home is all about the love in it.
Where are you on your homemaking journey? I know I have a long way to go. I enjoy the "trappings" of the stay at home mom: the candles burning, the kitchen clean, a pot simmering, children schooling at the table, an apron and a feather duster ... but these are not the things that make me a homemaker.
What makes me a homemaker is the fact that my husband comes home after work, to a wife who loves him. The joy my children find in waking up, running into my room, and asking "What are we going to do today Mommy?" And the fact that our home is a place of safety, peace, and comfort. That's what making a home means.
It's starting to seem that way, isn't it? And a homemaker must also knit, crochet, make clothing, bake divinely, wear smoothly natural makeup, have hair that is perfectly coiffed, and train her children up to be perfectly behaved in all situations.
Okay, reality check here! If that is what it takes, then I am submitting my resignation papers right now. Being a homemaker means making a home! Pretty simple, if you ask me. Love the kids, love your hubby, love yourself ... love God. A home is all about the love in it.
Where are you on your homemaking journey? I know I have a long way to go. I enjoy the "trappings" of the stay at home mom: the candles burning, the kitchen clean, a pot simmering, children schooling at the table, an apron and a feather duster ... but these are not the things that make me a homemaker.
What makes me a homemaker is the fact that my husband comes home after work, to a wife who loves him. The joy my children find in waking up, running into my room, and asking "What are we going to do today Mommy?" And the fact that our home is a place of safety, peace, and comfort. That's what making a home means.
Practice Makes Perfect
I'm not even one week into my helpmeet challenge and I'm already goofing up. I am trying to look at the positive side and realize that a week ago I wouldn't have realized I goofed up. And "knowing is half the battle." I got overwhelmed with problems and tried to handle it myself instead of trusting my awesome hubby to take care of it or at least to share the burden.
Why do we do that?
It must be so difficult for men who are married to independent women to feel needed. I know that I love it when my kids ask for help and share things with me. It makes me valued when my friends trust me enough to ask for prayer or just cry and let me hug them. But I have such a hard time doing the same with my hubby, who is my very best friend. I can whine in his hear, vent at him, but actually leaning on him is a challenge for me.
I'm learning to trust more, however, and to let him step into a place I've tried to fill. I'm learning to do it with joy and thanksgiving. One of the blessings of being a submissive wife is having the full protection offered by a godly man who stands over you. It's a beautiful relationship!
Why do we do that?
It must be so difficult for men who are married to independent women to feel needed. I know that I love it when my kids ask for help and share things with me. It makes me valued when my friends trust me enough to ask for prayer or just cry and let me hug them. But I have such a hard time doing the same with my hubby, who is my very best friend. I can whine in his hear, vent at him, but actually leaning on him is a challenge for me.
I'm learning to trust more, however, and to let him step into a place I've tried to fill. I'm learning to do it with joy and thanksgiving. One of the blessings of being a submissive wife is having the full protection offered by a godly man who stands over you. It's a beautiful relationship!
Thanksgiving Day (Yup, Dec. 7th)
Happy Thanksgiving! No, I'm not late; actually, I'm right on time. Every day is a day intended for Thanksgiving, but today I'm actually blogging about it. Thanksgiving has always been my favorite day of the year, rich in tradition and steeped in memories. God intends for that to be every day for His children though. We are to have the habits (traditions!) of spending time in the Word, of being in a state of continual prayer, of living a life of character and integrity, of being thankful that we are recipients of His lavish grace. We are to remember with moments spent with Him, the special ways in which He loves on us, and the difference He has made in our lives.
I've been focusing much of this last year on becoming content as a person. With who I am, what I do, what I have (and don't have), and even where I am. I've learned that contentment is a result of thanksgiving. When I cultivate gratitude, I reap contentment. Debi Pearl shared this gem: "Joy begins with thankfulness...Thankfulness is how you think; joy the abundance it produces." I would add that contentment is the flower that blooms.
Today I am going to start the day by thanking God not only for how wonderful my husband is and how precious my children are, but for all that He has allowed me to have in my life. I am going to thank my husband for working day in and day out to provide for us. I am going to thank our little Princess for her sweet attitude and helpful spirit. I am going to thank the Lil Man for his help and happy heart. We often hear that we reap what we sow, but I am learning to sow what I reap. God has sown joy in my life and allowed me to reap it; therefore I must sow joy for others to reap!
I hope that today is a Happy Thanksgiving for you!
I've been focusing much of this last year on becoming content as a person. With who I am, what I do, what I have (and don't have), and even where I am. I've learned that contentment is a result of thanksgiving. When I cultivate gratitude, I reap contentment. Debi Pearl shared this gem: "Joy begins with thankfulness...Thankfulness is how you think; joy the abundance it produces." I would add that contentment is the flower that blooms.
Today I am going to start the day by thanking God not only for how wonderful my husband is and how precious my children are, but for all that He has allowed me to have in my life. I am going to thank my husband for working day in and day out to provide for us. I am going to thank our little Princess for her sweet attitude and helpful spirit. I am going to thank the Lil Man for his help and happy heart. We often hear that we reap what we sow, but I am learning to sow what I reap. God has sown joy in my life and allowed me to reap it; therefore I must sow joy for others to reap!
I hope that today is a Happy Thanksgiving for you!
Smile...It's Your Turn at Bat
Day 2 of the helpmeet focus: A thankful heart.
You know, the focus today is something that's been my personal focus for a while: developing a thankful spirit and joyful heart. These things make life, with all of its ups and downs, beautiful. I learned, from a fellow blogging momma with a Titus 2 calling, that I am not entitled to anything. This idea rocked my world. I do what I do because I love my family, because God has called me to it, and because it is what I have chosen to do. I do not do it because I deserve a reward, because I expect a certain response, or because it's what is expected of me.
And when I stop thinking I'm entitled and start finding joy, life gets better. All because my attitude does. And, miraculously, my kids and my hubby also seem to enjoy life more. "When Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" is very true. But so is the flip side: "When Momma is joyful, so is everybody else!" So today, and tomorrow, and every other day I am going to wake up thinking of the reasons I have to be joyful, thankful, and smiling. That way, I can bless my awesome husband who provides for us, loves on me, and is an amazing dad and love of my life. He will feel safe, cherished, loved, and special in our home and enjoy coming home instead of working more. What an awesome gift for all of us!
You know, the focus today is something that's been my personal focus for a while: developing a thankful spirit and joyful heart. These things make life, with all of its ups and downs, beautiful. I learned, from a fellow blogging momma with a Titus 2 calling, that I am not entitled to anything. This idea rocked my world. I do what I do because I love my family, because God has called me to it, and because it is what I have chosen to do. I do not do it because I deserve a reward, because I expect a certain response, or because it's what is expected of me.
And when I stop thinking I'm entitled and start finding joy, life gets better. All because my attitude does. And, miraculously, my kids and my hubby also seem to enjoy life more. "When Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" is very true. But so is the flip side: "When Momma is joyful, so is everybody else!" So today, and tomorrow, and every other day I am going to wake up thinking of the reasons I have to be joyful, thankful, and smiling. That way, I can bless my awesome husband who provides for us, loves on me, and is an amazing dad and love of my life. He will feel safe, cherished, loved, and special in our home and enjoy coming home instead of working more. What an awesome gift for all of us!
Reflections of a Helpmeet, Day 1
"If God created a special woman, perfectly suited to be your husband's helper, would you be that woman?"*
This question gave me pause. I wanted to say yes, I really did. But I couldn't. My husband, out of his great love for me, would argue and say that I am. But in a private moment of honesty, he would be forced to admit that I'm not the perfect helper even if I am the wife he loves and desires to spend his life with. In fact, about two years ago we went out to dinner and I caught him off guard by asking if he ever felt short changed in the wife department because I wasn't good at being a housewife. He answered that yes, sometimes he did. That was a wake up call and the start of my journey to attempting to become a Proverbs 31 woman.
That was also my problem. I didn't need to "become" anything. I needed to grow into what I was already created to be. You see, God made me to be his helpmeet. He created me with the express purpose of supporting, submitting, sharing and blessing my husband. No matter what my occupation, my dreams, my pursuits ... I was created to be his helpmeet. Knowing that, understanding it, and embracing it was pretty liberating. I didn't have to morph into something that I wasn't, but had to grow up a little. I know my God's character enough to know that He would never have made me and called me to be something He had not equipped me to do and be successfully.
Well, today we talked about that. It was refreshing to have these truths confirmed in my heart and affirmed in my life. The challenge today is to make a new habit that helps my husband. I'll be honest: I'm not really sure what to do. The best I could come up with was to make dinner every night and to make sure that when he walks in the door each day from work it is to a smiling wife and clean home. I've asked God to reveal other things to me, but I think it's a good start.
Debi suggested looking up five qualities of a wife, their definitions, and then study what the Bible shares about them. I'm not going to share the verses I found because I want YOU to do that for yourself. But I am going to share the qualities and the definitions that I found incredibly surprising and challenging.
*Taken from Debi Pearl's "Created to be His Helpmeet"
This question gave me pause. I wanted to say yes, I really did. But I couldn't. My husband, out of his great love for me, would argue and say that I am. But in a private moment of honesty, he would be forced to admit that I'm not the perfect helper even if I am the wife he loves and desires to spend his life with. In fact, about two years ago we went out to dinner and I caught him off guard by asking if he ever felt short changed in the wife department because I wasn't good at being a housewife. He answered that yes, sometimes he did. That was a wake up call and the start of my journey to attempting to become a Proverbs 31 woman.
That was also my problem. I didn't need to "become" anything. I needed to grow into what I was already created to be. You see, God made me to be his helpmeet. He created me with the express purpose of supporting, submitting, sharing and blessing my husband. No matter what my occupation, my dreams, my pursuits ... I was created to be his helpmeet. Knowing that, understanding it, and embracing it was pretty liberating. I didn't have to morph into something that I wasn't, but had to grow up a little. I know my God's character enough to know that He would never have made me and called me to be something He had not equipped me to do and be successfully.
Well, today we talked about that. It was refreshing to have these truths confirmed in my heart and affirmed in my life. The challenge today is to make a new habit that helps my husband. I'll be honest: I'm not really sure what to do. The best I could come up with was to make dinner every night and to make sure that when he walks in the door each day from work it is to a smiling wife and clean home. I've asked God to reveal other things to me, but I think it's a good start.
Debi suggested looking up five qualities of a wife, their definitions, and then study what the Bible shares about them. I'm not going to share the verses I found because I want YOU to do that for yourself. But I am going to share the qualities and the definitions that I found incredibly surprising and challenging.
- Virtue: moral excellency; character; an effective force
- Graciousness: compassionate; merciful
- Wisdom: discernment; showing power
- Prudence: provident care in the management of resources; frugality
- Goodness: excellence in virtue; strength of character; making wise choices; the essence of one who is good
*Taken from Debi Pearl's "Created to be His Helpmeet"
Positive ... or positively negative?
You know, it's so uncommon for a conversation to occur that has only positive comments in it these days. So often, they start out well but then there's that little thought that edges in and gets vocalized: "We had a great day until..." or "He's a wonderful husband! I just wish that..." or "The kids were really well behaved today; it was awesome. The only thing that happened was..." or even "I got all dressed up and looked really nice, I just don't like..."
Why do we do this? I'm learning that godliness with contentment does not do this. Contentment means focusing on the good things and being happy with what you have. I read a line in one of my books today that suggested that an attitude of discontentedness is one of rebellion and sin. I am going to start working on that by taking every thought captive as soon as it comes in.
I am being proactive about this too. For one, I've got a great book I am reading as though it were a devotional: Debi Pearl's "Created to be His Helpmeet." Some of you have already stopped reading and thrown up your hands. I know, the Pearl's have a reputation for being conservative, unrealistic, yadda yadda yadda ... whine! Read it anyhow. Yes, it is true they are unconventional, but they are also wise and have a passion for God!
Okay, back to the book: It is 24 chapters and so I will be finished with it this month. I am journaling about my journey as a Helpmeet and woman of God. Check back in the morning for the first day's reflections. God bless you as you strive to be positive. If you'd like to join me on my journey to being an effective helpmeet, be sure to leave a comment each day directing us to your blog so we can join you and encourage you!
Why do we do this? I'm learning that godliness with contentment does not do this. Contentment means focusing on the good things and being happy with what you have. I read a line in one of my books today that suggested that an attitude of discontentedness is one of rebellion and sin. I am going to start working on that by taking every thought captive as soon as it comes in.
I am being proactive about this too. For one, I've got a great book I am reading as though it were a devotional: Debi Pearl's "Created to be His Helpmeet." Some of you have already stopped reading and thrown up your hands. I know, the Pearl's have a reputation for being conservative, unrealistic, yadda yadda yadda ... whine! Read it anyhow. Yes, it is true they are unconventional, but they are also wise and have a passion for God!
Okay, back to the book: It is 24 chapters and so I will be finished with it this month. I am journaling about my journey as a Helpmeet and woman of God. Check back in the morning for the first day's reflections. God bless you as you strive to be positive. If you'd like to join me on my journey to being an effective helpmeet, be sure to leave a comment each day directing us to your blog so we can join you and encourage you!
Why is Retro Returning?
Vintage is making a comeback. It's not because of the economy, because vintage things are not cheaper. It's not because the styles were cuter, although I personally think they were. And it's definitely not because our society is finally progressing out of the women's lib movement or away from the affirmation and child-driven philosophy of rearing our children.
It's because people want the values that were associated with those times. The 1940s and 1950s had families that were genuinely together, women who could amazingly juggle hearth and home and remain fulfilled, children who not only knew what respect meant but also manifested it when talking to everyone, parents who disciplined without screaming fits, and homes that did not need nuclear attack to push out the clutter. Whatever happened?
I don't know. It's called "progress" and if we keep progressing like this it's going to push out right out of family, morality, and children who have a chance at growing up to be responsible, respectable adults. Maybe, deep down, our society is starting to understand this. Hence, the vintage comeback.
Hey, I'm jumping on board, too. Do you know how much more fun it's going to be to wear an apron that looks cute and makes me feel feminine instead of sweat pants and a stained tee-shirt? I'm excited about it! I'd love an Ava or a Josephine apron by Jessie Steele, but for now I'm sticking with genuine vintage aprons (aka thrift store or ebay bargains!). The Hillbilly Housewife wrote an article on Apron Evangelism, someone has written out the history of aprons, and websites abound (personally, I like the Apronista and The Apron Goddess blogs).
So why am I jumping on the bandwagon? Because I want my children to grow up in a home where homemaking was mommy's priority. Along with homeschooling and making sure we don't receive any health code violations because of the condition of our house, I want them to see that God has given them to our family to raise and steward over. I hope that my daughter will learn the glory of keeping a home and understand how to juggle the practical necessities involved in it. I pray our son will see how a husband can provide, cherish, and appreciate a woman who loves him and shares his life. And I pray that the younger women that have entered my life will not need to cry out to God for a Titus 2 presence because I am there.
Yes, I am aware that a simple vintage apron will not help me achieve these lofty goals. But it will serve to remind me of my articulated dream for my life and our home. And I'll be able to wear real clothes and look cute for my hubby when he comes home. It might even help my children to realize I'm serious about housework when I put it on and (praying here!) they might even want to put theirs on (yes, they are getting some for Christmas!) and jump in. Those Donna Reed types might be on to something...
It's because people want the values that were associated with those times. The 1940s and 1950s had families that were genuinely together, women who could amazingly juggle hearth and home and remain fulfilled, children who not only knew what respect meant but also manifested it when talking to everyone, parents who disciplined without screaming fits, and homes that did not need nuclear attack to push out the clutter. Whatever happened?
I don't know. It's called "progress" and if we keep progressing like this it's going to push out right out of family, morality, and children who have a chance at growing up to be responsible, respectable adults. Maybe, deep down, our society is starting to understand this. Hence, the vintage comeback.
Hey, I'm jumping on board, too. Do you know how much more fun it's going to be to wear an apron that looks cute and makes me feel feminine instead of sweat pants and a stained tee-shirt? I'm excited about it! I'd love an Ava or a Josephine apron by Jessie Steele, but for now I'm sticking with genuine vintage aprons (aka thrift store or ebay bargains!). The Hillbilly Housewife wrote an article on Apron Evangelism, someone has written out the history of aprons, and websites abound (personally, I like the Apronista and The Apron Goddess blogs).
So why am I jumping on the bandwagon? Because I want my children to grow up in a home where homemaking was mommy's priority. Along with homeschooling and making sure we don't receive any health code violations because of the condition of our house, I want them to see that God has given them to our family to raise and steward over. I hope that my daughter will learn the glory of keeping a home and understand how to juggle the practical necessities involved in it. I pray our son will see how a husband can provide, cherish, and appreciate a woman who loves him and shares his life. And I pray that the younger women that have entered my life will not need to cry out to God for a Titus 2 presence because I am there.
Yes, I am aware that a simple vintage apron will not help me achieve these lofty goals. But it will serve to remind me of my articulated dream for my life and our home. And I'll be able to wear real clothes and look cute for my hubby when he comes home. It might even help my children to realize I'm serious about housework when I put it on and (praying here!) they might even want to put theirs on (yes, they are getting some for Christmas!) and jump in. Those Donna Reed types might be on to something...
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